MM#5: Pizza and Logic

The following is an account of a recent visit to my local Papa Murphy's.

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I walk in the door and move up to the counter. The girl behind the counter at the register had a soft, little voice, couldn't have been more than 16 or 17 years old, and was maybe pushing 5'2”. I stand at 6'3” with a big coat and a black stocking cap on, and talk with a somewhat forceful baritone.

Girl: “Hi. Can I help you?”

Me: “Yeah, I had a carryout for Mullen.”

Previously, I had called ahead and ordered over the phone, and I'm pretty sure I talked with the same girl. I used a coupon for large 1-topping pizzas for $7, and it stated on the coupon that it can be used for up to three pizzas. After inquiring how much extra toppings were, I ordered one pizza with just sausage and a second pizza with two extra toppings. Simple enough.

Girl: “Okay, It'll be...”

Me: “Oh wait, I had this coupon.”

She studies the coupon I hand her for a second. I know this look. It's not usually a good look.

Girl: “Okay, It's gonna be...”

Me: I cut her off after seeing the total on the register. “Woah. It should be around $17.”

Girl: “Ummm, we can't do the discount for the second pizza.”

Me: “Sure you can. The coupon says I can do it for up to three pizzas.”

Girl: “I know that, but you can't use this for both of yours.”

Me: “What?”

Girl: “Your first pizza is alright, but your second one has three toppings.”

Me: “I'm aware of that. I ordered two pizzas with the coupon and then I'm paying to add two toppings to one of them. Extra toppings are a $1.50 each, right?”

Girl: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, so that's $14 for the two pizzas, plus $3 for the two extra toppings.”

Girl: “We can't do that.”

Me: I shake my head in stunned disbelief. “What?” I say with a bit of a quizzical smirk.

Girl: Showing patience rarely found in a teenager, “The coupon you're using says it's for 1-topping pizzas... and you only have one of them. The other one has 3 toppings.”

Me: “So? It originally had only one and I'm paying extra for the extra toppings.”

Girl: “Well, we can't do that.”

About this time, a guy walks up to the counter from the back. He's also likely a teenager, but probably closer to 20. I assume he's the manager, or at the least, someone with more authority. He's not dressed like a manager would be, but he does carry himself with more confidence.

Guy: “Yeah, we can only give you the discount for one of your pizzas.”

Me: “That doesn't make any sense. You understand I was just here two weeks ago and did the exact same thing with no problem, right? I've done this a hundred times.”

Guy: “Well, I don't know what they did. I can only tell you what we're allowed to do right now. We can give you the discount for one of your pizzas.”

Me: “So you're saying that I can't pay for extra toppings?”

Guy: “I'm saying that your pizza isn't a 1-topping pizza, so the coupon doesn't apply to it.”

I'm basically flabbergasted at this point. I stand in silence for a few moments debating to myself about what I should do. Should I just say “to Hell with it!” and tell them that I don't want the pizzas anymore, or should I just bite the bullet and pay it?

Me: *Sigh* “Alright, whatever.” I give in.

The guy leaves the area and goes around to the side where he starts helping another employee make other pizzas.

Me: “Well, do you at least still have the card thingy where you sign it and then I get a free pizza after I buy a certain number?” I actually already have a full card at home, but I didn't want to use that when I was getting more than one pizza as you can't use it in conjunction with another coupon. Then again, considering what had just transpired, who knows what's allowed and not allowed anymore?

Girl: She reaches across the counter and picks up one of the cards (which was basically hidden behind some dumb display). “Do you want to use one of these coupons?”

Me: “What?”

Girl: “It's for $2 off any pizza.”

Me: “So I can use both coupons?”

Girl: “Yeah.”

Pause.

Me: “Okay, let me get this straight so I fully understand what's going on here. You're telling me that you can't accept me paying for extra toppings with this coupon, but you can accept me using multiple coupons at the same time even though it explicitly says 'not available with other offers' on each coupon?”

Girl: “I guess. Do you want to use it?”

Me: “Sure," said while chuckling.

She figures up the new total, and I pay it. It turns out that the difference was only around a dollar from what I would've paid had they done it normally with my original coupon. One dollar, naturally, isn't worth much discussion in the large scheme of things. What merits discussion, however, is the principle and the logic behind their policy, so I press on...

Me: “You understand how dumb this is, right? I don't mean anything against you. You're doing fine. I mean, you're just doing what you've been told to do, but the policy is... it's really dumb.”

She just shrugs a bit as she places my two pizzas on the counter. As I start to put my receipt and my “Take-n-Bake” card in my pocket, I decide to ask one more question.

Me: “Okay, what if I fill up this card and call in for this free pizza? It's a free 1-topping pizza. Am I not allowed to use it if I want to add an extra topping to it?”

Girl: “No.”

Guy: Speaking from off to my right while spreading cheese on someone else's pizza. “You can do $10 off any pizza instead. That offer is good for either a free 1-topping pizza or $10 off anything else.”

Me: “Alright.” I pick up my pizzas and retreat out the door to my car.

**********

Listen, I'm not arguing that they don't have a right to set the menu, charge what they want, or define their pizzas in any way they please. They can do what they want, and we, as consumers, can decide if their policies are worth it or not.

This particular store has made it so that they define a 1-topping pizza as a completely separate menu item from a 2-topping pizza. It's essentially the same as differentiating between a Big Mac and a Chicken Filet Sandwich at McDonald's. You can't go into a McDonald's with a coupon for one, but say you want the other and then just pay the difference. That's logical, and that makes sense at a place like McDonald's.

This is a pizza joint, though. It's all pizza: pizza with one topping, pizza with three toppings, pizza with meat toppings, pizza with veggie toppings. In the world of pizza restaurants, pizza with pepperoni and sausage is just a sausage pizza with pepperoni added... or vice versa. A 2-topping pizza and a 4-topping pizza simply are not different in the same way a Big Mac and a Chicken Filet Sandwich are.

Papa Murphy's, at least as far as this location is concerned, is saying their policy is comparable to the McDonald's example. That's where their logic in the policy flies astray. What it's actually more comparable to is having a coupon for a Quarter Pounder, and then refusing to accept the coupon because the customer wanted to add lettuce and tomato to the burger. Adding lettuce and tomato to a Quarter Pounder wouldn't invalidate that coupon at McDonald's, because … uhh, hello, it's still a Quarter Pounder. You'd just have to pay the difference for the extra toppings.

Now, like I said, they're free to set their policy as they see fit, even if the rationale they use to set it is deeply flawed. I just have to accept that, even though I think it's dumb, I have to follow their policy if I want to buy from this Papa Murphy's location. So be it.

Then there's this: Papa Murphy's Menu. Notice anything peculiar about that menu? Yeah, neither do I … and why is that? BECAUSE IT'S EXACTLY HOW EVERY OTHER PIZZA PLACE DOES IT! You have a 1-topping pizza and then you choose what toppings to add.  Brilliant.  Chalk one up for inconsistency.